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| AN INFINITY THANKS TO MY DAD 
Really. Without him, who I am or was, what I had, wouldn't see me through my two years of life, two years of JC. I always had this short attention span for whatever I do, whoever I'm with. My dad squeezed through my two years of maths in two months+, two years of chem in one month+, two years of physics is two months+, two years of physics is a week or less. And we're talking more than 10 hours a day. He slogged so much like he's taking A levels again after 30+ years.  Don't I feel shameful typing all these, exposing what a lousy student I am? Subconsciously I think I do but consciously, I accept facts as they are no matter how I'm affected. I know what I did. I know how I'm like, and my parents perhaps do so better a they're not blinded in some spots like I am. They always know what's best for me, what's good for me. There's a reason why I don't make decisions. My decisions more often than not end up as the "wrong" choice. And I'm easily swayed. Just a few sentences and my brain will hop to the opponent. I could count the number of choices that I made with my heart, ignoring my mind. I couldn't really think of one that didn't make me regret partly 'cause my brain is sort of like a guy's one when it comes to their attitude to girlfriends (if you're not one of these guys, good for you). Once I've had it after some time, I start to think that the grass might be greener on the other side. BUT. I never go to the other side. Therfore, as to where I'll go/ what I'll be doing after my results are released, I'll be doing research. I won't choose a path just because EVERYONE AROUND ME TOOK THAT PATH anymore, or BECAUSE I DONT KNOW WHAT ELSE TO CHOOSE. That'll bullshit. It's just a person being too lazy to research, not "don't know". So, though I did take A levels to go university, I'll see about that. My good friend told me I'll take the university SCIENCE COURSE no matter what I said. I agree, you know. But before I know if I'm legible to be IN one, or submit my choice, I'll be trying my best to decide. ♥♥♥ I've said. Once again, Thank you dad. It's the longest four months I've spent with you and, the craziest. The only way to repay you, is to really choose a course where I know, I'll bother to study and do it from my heart till I get the highest grade there is for it, or my best. (I smiled, as I recall the only once in my life thus far that I did that.) | | |
| Times flies. *wheeze* So anyway, it's 4.07am now it's crazy I'm not sleeping yet to blog. I shall blog like it's still 10/10/09. MY POST IS ORANGE-COLOURED! Alright, so here begins what I, or maybe we, had always wanted. A proper from top to toe date. (I know it's hard to squeeze out time but I'll have alot 2 months later!  and I did maths before going out!) Today my darling Junwei is extremely nice! He's such a doll. Junwei came over to my bus-stop to "pick" me up and presented me with flowers and a toy lion on top! Which is really nice I told him my face's gonna crack cause my smile's is gonna be very wide for a long time. (Did not, anyway and hints work :D ) I have always wanted flowers. Darling, you really surprised me this time. Oh, I didn't get him anything cause girls aren't supposed to get anything, at least for the first few years I think. But I do give every now and then!  And dates are meant for guys to dote on their girls... right :) 
Lion!! (Cat family)
I am so happy it's worth 5 smileys. We went to ION orchard for dinner at Fish & Co. where interesting things happened. We orderd seafood platter for two and requested for the Calamari rings to be deep fried so yay we don't have to order a separate set of Calamari rings which is licking finger tasty. Looks unhealthy but its totally delicious oh my it's crazy. And my darling Junwei treated me today! Yay!  
Clams, Calamari rings, King Prawns, Frieds, Rice, Lemon, Dory fish!!
Presenting to you my charming Martian (name I gave him)!  Anyway, see our colour difference... Oops haha.
Chowder soup was awesome! Then 2 people had their birthday during two separate timimgs anyway they had to stand on the chairs while the crew sang them bithday song with a fixed routine! Totally awesome but I would have been shocked if I had to do that but feel special afterwards. I see some grins on faces. Great thing to do for a friend's birthday huh. The waiters asked if it was my birthday when we stepped in as I was carrying flowers. I told them it's one year aniversary so they congratulated us. Maybe soon they'll come up with a dance for that too. It's just a really happy and nice time. And Junwei was feeling so horribly high for signing his card and it looks great too to have me beside him with flowers in my hands. And cool, the crew told us to go back to Fish & Co. for our subsequent anniversaries! Nice bubbly people.  
Us with Lion! 
I LOVE YOU!  and I know Newton's third law exist heehee. Woah, first time I'm doing it so publicly. Worth a beeg beeg smile!
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| Lets recall. Last Friday, during GP lecture YIWEI tripped me as I was heading back to my seat and I fell on Ismail's chair and freaked the hell out of Ismail WHOM after that, keep on laughing cause he thinks it's funny... along with Zhengyang, Yiwei and Jiahao. Grrrr. Okay, I admit it was funny and I laughed too. Embarrassing but thanks I needed that. Stupid things I laugh at stupid things. And thank you for attempting to push me down the stairs although it sounds sarcastic and during physics when I got lowest in class. Then this week,as you might have read, hasn't been very good starting since Sunday so hopefully tomorrow'll be able to cover over everything. Crying isn't going to be my routine. No. way. I have so many happy things I want to talk about!! But negative thoughts always seem to find their way into what seems like a brain of mine. I shall write down what makes me happy. Xanga is like a confidant, I always feel like pouring my sorrows of any kind here so do not expect to read happy stuff here. Why? Cause I tell no one else. Who could I tell? I know this is a hurtful statement I'm sorry. I can talk, I love to talk. All I want is to blabber everything away to anyone. Actually anyone will do, anyone who isn't so into my life perhaps. I do not have anyone. Haha. Wouldn't wanna make another being listen to me rumble and I could find nobody. I do have some names, but. As times goes by I choose not to tell anymore, cause all the unhappy incidents that happened between me, you, you and you just stay as a barrier, something that tapes my mouth. Made me scared to tell, too afraid to trust. These few days images of hurt keep surfacing. My brain retains hurt the most. Be it I the giver, or the receiver. I still cry over incidents that happened many man years ago especially if I did wrong. So Amoba, I have decided not to call anyone and talk, not even my closest friend as in the end nothing good comes out of my mouth and I'll be asked to sleep. Sad people attract sad people you say? I'm gonna repel everyone. THE SAD SIDE IS MINE AND IM SELFISH SO GET YOUR ASSEEESSS BACK TO THE OTHER SIDE. I'm happy to be able to bring smiles to people. Make me happy. OH!! I blew bubbles in school these few days it made me really happy. Thanks for all who played along, ridiculed[YW dont deny I know you want to play too HAHA] and those whom showed any small signs of innocence[catching bubbles] I registered them [Nandeesh caught afew times] And thanks AAROMMAL who is the only guy who blew the bubbles ROCK ON MOTHERSHIP MEMBER. And thanks to Pamela and Huimin whom I hang around most of the time in school for every smile and insane laughter. I love you two. My life wouldn't have been so great if it wasn't for the presence and every action of you two. My my, I can't be left with myself for a moment at all can I? If a person talks to me now I'll be happy immediately somehow. 1.33AM. >>>>>>>>>SOMETHING HAPPY>>>>>>>>> I'm falling in love with Barbra Streisand<<<click for photo. She's so beautiful I can't remember any other female captivating my heart as badly as this one. Her voice is amazing you just melt. I know her cause my family was watching Meet The Fockers(?) and my mom exclaimed "Isn't this Barbra?!!!" Dad: "Yeah, famous singer" Click here<<<< to hear her sing on Youtube. | | |
| William James: No more fiendish punishment could be devised, were such a thing physically possible, than that one should be turned loose in society and remain absolutely unnoticed by all the members thereof. If no one turned around when we entered, answered when we spoke, or minded what we did, but if every person we met 'cut us dead', and acted as if we were non-esistenting things, a kind of rage and impotent despair would before long well up in us, from which the cruelest bodily torture would be a relief." That explains a couple of things, doesn't it? I really love Gerenal Paper. I love reading thought provoking passages. 
People like me bring happiness to strangers, but hurt to those who are close to us. Is that not so? Cause deep beneath we're ugly creatures, who try till we don't bother to cover up anymore. | | |
| The Fray - You found me. This song keeps playing while I'm studying. I like it. I'm making progress, small steps and I believe I can do it. What else can I do besides believing and doing. I've given up too many things thus far. I'm not letting this off easily. 
I loveee it when only my STAR-SHAPED LIGHTS from IKEA is switched on, on my bed. And I'm by myself.
Talent for art? (whoever said I have anyway. Do I really?) I wish I had science and maths instead. It's one of those conversations again. It pains me. Art won't earn me enough, while studying science in university... will..? I know what I want, but will I be able to feed myself and support my passion? Everyone has passion but they chose to learn to live. I know where my heart lies. I feel with my heart, but my brain takes control. I always tell myself. The brain knows what's good. The wound will heal. It won't hurt much later dear child. Time will heal. They always say. If I could show you my heart, it's have many dents that I made myself and they don't seem to ever heal. If it does, why do I always cry after that. I lie here soaking my pillow with tears after the same old, same old conversation. You sure know how to break me. But again, yes I know its for my own good. You're just waking me up to reality. Life isn't a bed of roses it hurts I know. Hurts so bad. I have nothing to complain, I have almost everything. I'm good. But after my bedroom door was closed following the words of this dearest of mine, why did tears keep falling, falling? I trembled violently under my cover as I try to regain control over what I know is a body of mine. My face contorted till my big eyes were shut, my mouth wide open just like a statue, tasting my tears and making little almost non-existent screams. And then my nose got blocked again. I hate it. Trust me, girls don't like to cry as much as you think we do. I loathe it. This time, I didn't look into the mirror. I already know how I look like. No difference. I went out to get myself a tissue, almost got caught but my back covered me up. It can't be a pretty sight. Now, my heart is pumping weirdly. It's as though it's irregular, it either skipped a couple of beats or did a few more in a second. I feel shortness of breath. I breathed to keep breathing. I scare myself sometimes but I know I am capable of more than that. It's not the time to dwell in self-pity. Word. | | |
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